Particles of Literature

"It's easier not to say anything ... Nobody really wants to hear what you
have to say." (page 9)

I can really relate with Melinda and her inability to speak. I went through a large portion of my life without the ability to talk about what I was feeling or anything else in general. I cannot, however, pinpoint what took my voice away like the story did for Melinda. There are many reasons I lost my voice. The very stereotypical wicked step-father played a huge role in it. My mothers inability to talk to her five children could be another reason. I was also a middle child so it was easy to disappear. The number one culprit was teen-age alcohol and drug use.

I was always a shy kid, so I overcompensated with the friends I chose. I had big friends who could protect the small kid that I was. I had loud friends that drew attention away from me. It was easy to get lost in silence. By the time junior high-school happened all the friends, who I chose so carefully for protection, scattered and I found myself alone in my quite world. Eighth grade was torture for me someone started a rumor that my middle name was sucks (Dee sucks Cox). What thirteen year old could fight such a nasty thing? It only made me withdraw more from the world as I knew it.

When I tried alcohol for the first time I was in love. It made me feel free. It helped me talk to others. With the help of alcohol I could be who anyone else wanted me to be, but I could never myself. I knew I would never be accepted as myself.

I found it ironic that Melinda re-found her voice in the very same person that took it away. The thief of my voice wasn’t so easily identifiable so it took me years of struggle and slide to finally hit a bottom to where I could begin the trudge back to my voice. I remember the moment my voice returned like it was yesterday. It was 8-1/2 years ago. I sober for a short time and it was very first time I shared part of my story with another human being. It was a moment of freedom and release. It was at that moment I decided to share my story with anyone who would listen. If it helped one person, the life I’ve lived would be worth the pain.